[Let's Test Driving]

[dontcallmedarling]

[Well, you've certainly lost you way, haven't you? By one way or another, you lost your path, and only now do you find yourself back to civilization. Well, kind of.

Whereever you were, you now find yourself at a tavern. There's shelllfish decorations everywhere, hearty patrons that look like they're straight from a renassiance faire, and lobster.

Hooo boy, is there lobster, and plenty of it. In fact, there's a bunch piled up, almost buffet style, at the front counter, next to a boisterous young man in armor that almost dwarfs him, taking a bite of the steamed seafood.]

Great meal as always, Lobby, though the ale's still watered down! I thought you guys were working on gettin' something with a bit more kick to it?


[Well, there's food and drink, and maybe the guy in travelling garb and armor can tell you where the hell you ended up.]

Comments

[artesmagicae]

[ Why would he ask questions about something silly like the dimension he's in?

He immediately settles down on the edge of the table, grabbing a plate of lobster. This was yours? Too bad. ]

Uhwaaah, such cruel insults against their professional pride, the pride of the budding alcoholic merchant! Will it inspire them, or will you wake up in a ditch with tragically little to your name?

[dontcallmedarling]

[Turns and stares at you. What the hell.]

Eh, relax. I've been friends with the proprietors for quite some time. I'm just messin' around, mainly.

They couldn't find anything to get me that drunk anyway.

[artesmagicae]

[ he's a perfectly harmless looking blond eating lobster now. ]

Is that manly, or sadly? Do you wish in your heart to pierce the secret mystery of black outs and ditches? To have little recollection of the glory and ignominy of that night?

Or are you here for the crustaceans? It is delicious!

[dontcallmedarling]

[Okay, he likes you. You're a total weirdo, but he enjoys you. You get a chuckle, though.]

More of a hazard of the occupation, I'm afraid. When you take up the mantle of a holy crusader, with time, your body learns to use that power to keep you free of disease and poison - which, sadly, covers alcohol, at least with regards to the much weaker spirits.

But the crustaceans are delicious. This place has the finest seafood for miles - I could eat my weight in it!

[artesmagicae]

Then you would no longer fit in your armour, just as these have been torn from theirs. Would the metal warp before your mightily fishy bulk?

[ Cracks open part of the shell, nom nom nom. ]

What do you crusade for?

[dontcallmedarling]

You joke, but once I was almost the meal to a crab thrice my size! That lobster meat fed us for days - I even out-ate a lizardfolk! I've had a taste for the stuff ever since.

[munches himself, happily.]

For a world free of those who would oppress and take advantage of the common man and wield cruelty in their iron grip. To find evil and strike it down where I can.

[artesmagicae]

Scary, scary! "Justice" is almost as scary as getting crabs!

[dontcallmedarling]

"Getting" crabs I've never heard of, exactly, but I won't deny that the concept of Justice is a scary thing. It's a tall order to try and help those who have misfortune beget them whereever I can.

[artesmagicae]

Should I worry? Will you storm my palace gates?

You should! I confess to oppress to impress my guests on quests!

[dontcallmedarling]

Nay, I don't think you have anything to worry from me.

Though I must confess that oppression sounds rather fanciful. Perhaps you are a tyrant of your own domain!

[artesmagicae]

Were my people ever to get a vote, they would vote --- Hahaha, for no else! Because I am the best of rulers, because I am the laziest of rulers!

[dontcallmedarling]

Ah, a wonderful laid-back life. I'm afraid I don't get to appreciate that kind of lifestyle very often.

[artesmagicae]

Conquer a kingdom and retire to throw the greatest of parties.

[dontcallmedarling]

...Maybe at some point I'll have to. But I doubt it'll be one that I'll have full cheer about.

[artesmagicae]

Uhwah?

[dontcallmedarling]

Eh, nothin'. Family issues. Uncle's a tyrant running my homeland into the ground, you know, usual adventurer's fare.

[artesmagicae]

A tragic backstory and a cruel villain is the source of every justified adventure! Frolic through your storyline to its bitter conclusion!

[dontcallmedarling]

[He holds back a bitter snort.]

Exactly, see what I mean? Everyone's got a tragic tale, and it's never all sunshine and sunflowers.

[artesmagicae]

[ Clicks his fingers, and a bouquet of sunflowers appears. ]

[dontcallmedarling]

[Takes it.]

...You are a strange one. Who are you?

[artesmagicae]

Isate, god of magic and chaos!

[dontcallmedarling]

...What.

[I'M A PALADIN AND I'M CHILLING WITH A GOD OF MAGIC AND CHAOS.

I'M SO BAD AT THIS.]

[artesmagicae]

I told you, I told you~ S-c-a-r-y~!

[dontcallmedarling]

...Pfffhahahaha.

Man, that threw me for a loop! I don't normally meet gods every day. You can imagine why I freaked out there for a second!

[artesmagicae]

I am the cutest and freakiest of the pantheon, it is true! I thank you for your offering!